Dumb And Dumber

‘FETCH the black drapes, mother. Move the ornamental china fish off the top of the telly, and prepare to cover it up for all eternity.

‘Who are you calling stupid?’

Yes, folks, TV is dead, or at least it is being read the last rites by Rolf Harris and Kate Humble this coming Saturday.

The Mail says that BBC1’s Test Your Pet will seek to discover once and for all which pet is the smartest.

Dr Tim Guilford, an expert in animal behaviour, has devised a set of tests to see just how dumb your dumb animal is.

Says Guilford: ‘From testing whether your pet is left or right pawed, to its ability to solve problems, its understanding of words and commands, and its awareness of the world, there is a wealth of information just waiting to be analysed and gathered.’

For those who can’t until Saturday, the Sun produces five tests that will tell how smart your pet is.

But first consider a few points to see how smart you are.

1. You take delivery of an animal and let it walk around your house with impunity, crap on the carpet, wee in the flower beds, sleep whenever it likes and eat food bought and paid for by yourself.

2. You watch shows like Test Your Pet and find them stimulating and challenging.

Conclusion: Your dog is smarter than you. Seek help immediately from a sympathetic vet with a large hypodermic needle. Then sleep…’

Posted: 27th, April 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink