Best Of British
‘WHILE the Caravan Club of Great Britain trills at the prospect of so many new gypsy members, the Star wonders what else our new neighbours can do to be British.
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Helpfully, it’s seen a survey conducted by pollsters TNS RSGB, which asked 1,000 Britons what they considered to be the most quintessentially British items from a list of 100 candidates.
What with the effects of immigration, most answered goulash, cross-Channel ferries and citizenship ceremonies. But among the other answers, there were few shocks.
Top of the tree is the sight of a Page 3 girl posing with a rolled-up copy of the Star into which have been placed a chunk of battered cod and some chips.
The cheeky lass could just as easily be sporting a roast beef and Yorkshire pudding meal, which shared top spot with the take-away special.
Other items that make up the list are The Queen (3rd), Carry-On films (38th), black cabs (57th), pubs (63rd) and being no good at foreign languages (65th).
But, oddly, there is no mention of what the Mirror finds to be a vital element in the make-up of a modern Briton: shirking.
Our gypsy neighbours Martinf and Monica can sit in all the pubs they like, stuff their faces with chips and ride around in their Aston Martins (63rd on the list) but, until they learn to do so on what passes for a working day, their attempts to integrate into British society will be for nought.
A survey by Norwich Union Healthcare discovered that four in ten sicknotes requested by patients from their GPs are probably fraudulent.
This, according to the Mirror’s calculator, means that of the 22 million sick notes issued each year – an average of 577-a-year for each family doctor – nine million are bogus.
And if Martinf really wants to learn how to skive off, he should go to Scotland, where the number of sick notes issued is double the UK average.
The healthiest, or least work-shy Britons, are those living in East Anglia, with just under half the UK average.
These are important regional differences for Martinf and Monica to bear in mind when they arrive.
How embarrassing would it be to set up home on a Glasgow sink estate and find themselves to be the only people working in the entire street!’
Posted: 28th, April 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
