Pleasantville

‘WE all know, or must quickly understand, that, thanks to the sterling work of George Bush and Tony Blair, the world is a much better place to live than it ever was.

‘If he doesn’t choke, the fat should kill him’

But the Social Disadvantage Research Centre at Oxford University’s Department of Social Policy and Social Research has found that not every place is of equal happiness.

In some places, like Chorleywood West, the people are happy. They are, in fact, the happiest people in the entire land.

The Times reports that the locals enjoy rude health and high levels of employment, they have been widely educated to degree level and they are likely to own their own homes.

Not for nothing is Chorleywood West the blueprint for the new Iraq.

Sadly, at the moment, Iraq looks more like Harpurhey. The university study describes health in the Manchester locale as ‘appalling’.

What’s more, there are high rates of teenage suicide, heart and lung disease is rife and drug abuse and crime are popular forms of recreation.

As one resident, known as Craig, says: ‘Harpurhey is a dump.’

It is also home to Bernard Manning’s ‘WORLD FAMOUS EMBASSY CLUB’, a venue adorned by a mural of the great man wearing a tuxedo and a syrupy grin.

It’s a bit like Iraq of old, with Manning in the guise of Saddam Hussein.

However, as yet, the place has not been fortunate enough to have been levelled by the Americans and see its leader toppled. But the local residents live in hope…’

Posted: 6th, May 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink