Comprehensive Care

‘FEAR prevents us from doing many things with a free heart…and no profession prays upon our fears more than insurers.

Richard Keys after theives stole his chest wig

‘Planning a holiday?’ asks the man in the grey suit. ‘Have a nice time…but what if the plane crashes and your hotel burns down?’

‘Buying a new computer? What if a power surge causes the keyboard to become white hot and your fingers to melt?’

‘Getting out of bed today? That’s nice. But have you fully considered the implications if you were to trip over your own feet, stumble and fall through an open window and become impaled on a garden gnome?’

No, you’re worried.

But to help us, the nice insurer has a plan that for so much money a month will ease our concerns.

So what if the odds against it happening are one trillion to one – it’s better to be safe than sorry, or dead.

Just take a new insurance policy, which, the Times reports covers some modern dangers.

The paper says that Acumen, an American insurance company, is offering Britons the chance to insure themselves against becoming victims of mugging or road rage.

There are an estimated 388,000 muggings a year in Britain, a place which, according to the British Association of Anger Management, is also the ‘road-rage capital of Europe’.

But while you prepare for carefree motoring and no longer worry about taking that shortcut home through the badly lit park, underwriters at Lloyds of London have another great deal.

The Telegraph hears that men (but not women) can now insure themselves against loss of chest hair.

A new policy provides men with cover for up to £1m for permanent loss of chest hair caused by accident.

But be warned, hair loss resulting from nuclear contamination, terrorism, mass destruction, war, invasion or revolution is not covered. And neither is loss resulting from fire eating.

Although third party, fire and theft are covered…’

Posted: 16th, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink