A Prize Chump

‘LES has never been the brightest penny in the jar but, even by his standards, dumping Janice for Cilla has got to be the stupidest thing he’s ever done.

Streetcars Named Desire

Cilla was determined to win back her man/meal ticket at any cost. Les was proving remarkably strong in resisting her ‘charms’ – helped by the fact that Janice was usually hovering in the background like a pit bull.

He’d even agreed to Janice kicking Chesney out so that Cilla would have no excuse to visit. But like a sexually transmitted disease, Cilla just won’t go away.

This week she turned up in the street at the wheel of a flash red convertible. “Hello, lover boy!” she screeched at a shocked Les. “Fancy comin’ for a ride?”

Fizz happened to see Les hop into the car and went running into the factory to tell Janice. “Right!” shouted Janice, grabbing her handbag and fags before getting into Patrick’s cab. “Follow that slut!”

By the time they’d caught up with the errant pair, however, Cilla had persuaded Les to try out the reclining seats and had managed to undo his trousers in about five seconds – demonstrating that practice does indeed make perfect.

Janice took one look at the pair and stormed off back to Weatherfield. “Yer not going to let that woman win, are yer?” Leanne asked her mum. “I am when the prize is Les,” she replied.

Les was hardly bothered at losing Janice once Cilla had told him that she’d been left a fortune by a mysterious long last aunt.

“I’ll need someone to protect me from all those fortune hunters out there,” she told Les, who took all of five seconds before inviting her to move back in with him.

Unfortunately, even a child of ten could see through Cilla’s lies and one did. “Yer haven’t got a long lost aunty, have yer mam?” asked Chesney. “If you don’t shut up you’ll be back on the social worker’s doorstep, waitin’ to be put in a home,” hissed Cilla.

Cilla in for a nasty shock, however, when Les reveals that he’s given up his job at Streetcars to become a kept man. It’ll be the Department of Social Security that’ll be keeping them both soon enough.

Elsewhere in Weatherfield, it seems that Ciarian really has hit the jackpot when Penny King agrees to lend him the money to open a trendy wine bar and restaurant. Mike is less than enthusiastic about the idea, however.

“The bloke was a chef on a submarine! If people didn’t like his food they had nowhere else to go. It’s hardly in the same league, is it?”

And on the subject of leagues, The Rovers has started it’s very own bowls club to take part in the Newton and Ridley ladies’ league.

Jack has agreed to coach the factory ladies in the gentle art of throwing. “It’s all in the wrist,” he told them.

Hayley is proving to be the star of the team – although that’s hardly surprising. As a former man, (s)he’s probably spent plenty of time building up that particular muscle.’

Posted: 5th, August 2004 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink