Cannon Fodder

‘HAVING saved a fortune in patient aftercare by killing them by the thousand each year, the Government’s drive towards a more efficient use of public funds continues apace.

With airbags fitted as standard

The Telegraph says that five years ago, the Ministry of Defence reached the decision that it would save £90m of the £105bn Eurofighter/Typhoon aircraft project by not having a cannon on board.

The British version of the European jet would not feature this unnecessary and dangerous device. Instead, it would have nothing.

The British Typhoon – like a cheaper model of the same car – would look the same as the top-of-the-range version, but just have a few buttons that did nothing.

The only problem is that, without the gun, the plane’s aerodynamics are affected. And that means something was needed to replace the missing cannon.

Ideally, this something would weigh the same and be shaped just like the declined optional extra.

Lead and concrete weights were tried but neither worked. What was needed was something better suited to the job…like a cannon.

So the MoD ordered a terrific new cannon which looked exactly like the rubbish one they didn’t want at a cost of, er, £90m.

But the even better news is that more money has been saved since these new guns will not come with any bullets…and that will save the MoD a whopping £2.5m.

But why stop there? Why not just fly the jets into the country’s crowded hospitals and so save the country a fortune.

Come on, guys, the taxpayer’s suffered enough…’

Posted: 13th, August 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink