Lip Service

‘WHY did three officials at the Ministry Of Porn resign rather than accept a slap on their overused wrists like their colleagues?

Cut along dotted line

We can tell you why – among the list of sickening websites in their Favourites folder was one that even they were too ashamed to have made public: www.vanessafeltznaked.com.

Bosses had promised to keep their appalling depravity a secret if they just left quietly – an offer the three filthy perverts were only too happy to accept.

But as they sit at home this morning filling out their CVs, they will be buoyed at news that The Human Butter Mountain is soon to return to our TV screens.

For 14 nights on Channel 5 next month, the award-winning Star columnist will present a no-holds barred extravaganza, Cosmetic Surgery Live.

The show will apparently feature identical twin glamour models having identical boob jobs, it will bring us the bottom line on anal bleaching, plumb the depths of labia trimming and plumping and give us the hard facts on penis extensions.

But thankfully Nessie herself will not be going under the knife – and shots of her untrimmed and unplumped labia will remain the preserve of Internet perverts.’

Posted: 26th, August 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink