Nowt As Queer As Folk

‘KAREN McDonald is taking the death of her religious loony mum pretty badly. Beneath that hard girl, fishwife exterior simpers a confused and frightened child – admittedly one who smokes rolls ups and dresses like a prostitute.

‘Are you sure I don’t look like my Vera?

Karen’s been hitting the bottle with a determination that would make George Best proud and refusing to talk to her husband. “Me mam’s been dead to me fer years,” she sneered to Steve. “The only way I’d go to visit her grave is if someone put a dance floor over it.”

The pressure of keeping her grief in finally got too much for her, though, and this week she packed a bag and disappeared. “What do yer think’s happened to her?” asked a worried Steve to his mum. She’s had a major falling out with Coronation Street producers, Steve, that’s what.

But it was a welcome return to Weatherfield for Cilla and Les. The pair went to Blackpool for the weekend, leaving Chesney home alone. Chesney was forced to knock on Tommy Harris’s door when the electricity meter ran out.

“Yer mean to say yer’ve been left alone all weekend? Riiighht!” stormed the ginger firework. It’s difficult to say who’d be scarier to face – Tommy or Cilla. You wouldn’t want to meet either on a dark night. (Well, you know what they say about ginger people – they’re best avoided.)

Cilla didn’t bat an eyelid when Tommy accused her of being an unfit mother in the Rovers – tell her something she doesn’t know. Tommy offered to sell Les an old bike for £50 to give to Chesney to make up for his unfit mother. A £50 old bike? That sounds like a fair exchange for Cilla.

Another old (mad) face returned to Coronation Street – except this one kept her return a secret. Maya is back, and she’s determined to wreck Sunita’s happiness.

Maya broke into Sunita’s flat using the key she made several months ago, stole her birth certificate and slipped into a waiting car with a mystery man. “You found what you were looking for?” he asked her. “Oh yes,” she smirked. So clearly he can’t have been referring to her sanity, then.

To add to the number of lunatics taking over the Weatherfield asylum, new boy Sean moved into the street this week – or rather he moved onto Eileen Grimshaw’s sofa. Sean was a friend of Karl’s “and a friend of Dorothy’s too darling,” he told a bemused Eileen. “It means he’s gay mam,” hissed Todd.

Eileen is many things but homophobic she is not and when she heard that he was homeless, she promptly offered him her sofa. “I’m wellin’ up,” he told her, fanning himself dramatically, “no one’s ever shown me such kindness.”

The other residents of the street might take a bit longer to get used to Sean, who’s camper than an evening spent with Elton John and George Michael at a Village People convention. Mind you, even Jack Duckworth has taken to wearing dresses.’

Posted: 2nd, September 2004 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink