Room At The Top

‘HAS Paris Hilton had sex in every one of the rooms in the hotels that carry her family name?

A head for home video and a body for clothes

Has she drained the contents of the Presidential suite’s mini-bar then refilled the miniatures with water and replaced them in the little fridge?

Is her wardrobe jam-packed with any number of dressing gowns, bath robes and those little shower caps?

We had hoped to find the answer to these puzzlers and more when we opened the Enquirer and read extracts from Confessions of an Heiress – A Tongue-in Chic Peek behind the Pose.

Instead we get told: “There is no sin worse in life than being boring.”

You can murder, extort, rape and mutilate with impunity, so long as you do so with style.

If you ever find yourself staying in of an evening and going to bed early, then in Paris’s eyes you are on a one-way ride to Hell.

But how do you avoid being boring? It’s such an easy thing to slip into. One day you’re interesting, a blonde curiosity, the next moment you’re Anthea Turner.

Helpfully, the Enquirer has taken a few pointers from Paris’s book and now relays them to us dullards.

1. If you’re happy, wear pink. Says Paris: “Pink reminds me of Barbie, who is one of my fashion icons. And pink’s so girlie.”

2. “Always be more important than your clothes.”

3. Showing roots in your hair is “something an heiress should never do”.

4. Don’t eat caviar all the time because “it’s just what people expect”.

5. “Never, ever wake up before 10; never go to bed before 3. Normal hours are for normal people.”

6. When being filmed giving head, wear red lipstick and tie your hair in a bun with a ribbon from the Gucci BJ NoWay Range.

One of items on that list is clearly untrue. But if you want to be an heiress, you have to learn the hard way and be prepared to makes a few mistakes.

So, good luck with that caviar sandwich…’

Posted: 17th, September 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink