Gathering No Moss

‘WHAT were Britney Spears and Kevin Federline doing in that hotel room for fully 72 hours after their recent wedding?

‘What about Quality Streets?’

The Enquirer is in no doubt – it says the couple were enjoying marathon sex sessions and Britney was hoping to become pregnant on that first night together.

But were they? Is it not possible that they were reading, playing Scrabble or watching the Paris Hilton Video Diaries?

We ask only because we hear that Brit has been buying up books recently on how to become pregnant, suggesting that the 22-year-old may not be too familiar with the birds and the bees.

(Sex education classes in her home state of Louisiana can be summed up thus: ‘Sit around and wait for the Holy Ghost to come upon you (not literally). If that fails, marry your cousin.’)

The same cannot be said of Jack Nicholson or indeed of Kate Moss, who between them must have been to bed with approximately a quarter of the world’s population.

But not so far with each other – and that’s the way it’s going to stay, says the Enquirer, despite Jack’s best efforts.

‘He’s been bombarding her with flowers, phone calls and huge boxes of expensive chocolates,’ a pal says.

It’s a tactic that may have worked on many girls in the past, but not our Kate. She responds to more subtle gestures. Like ‘please’…’

Posted: 9th, October 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink