After The Watershed

‘CILLA and Les have always caused a splash in the Street with their ‘colourful’ (ie hideous) love life.

‘You might recognise these from the last soap awards ceremony…’

This week they’ve taken it even further by crashing through the ceiling in their illegally installed Jacuzzi – sending water, cocktails and Hawaiian pizza everywhere.

Neighbours Norris and Emily have been trying to put a stop to the Battersby’s Baywatch re-enactments for weeks. “I can’t sleep for the banging,” he told Cilla. “Tell me about it,” she leered back at him.

It looks like their prayers have been answered, however, as Cilla and Les’ tropical night came to an abrupt end when Chesney’s dog Schmeichel came bounding into bathroom and leapt into the hot tub, sending the whole thing through the floor.

Thankfully, as it was before the watershed, Cilla was demurely wearing a bikini in the tub, sparing ten million people post-traumatic stress for life.

Vera is also about to come crashing back down to earth after telling everyone that she’s expecting a famous visitor. “Big ears, tall bloke,” she told the Rovers, having been sworn to secrecy. “Is it Martin Clunes?” asked Kirk, earning him a clip round the head from Fizz.

Jack and his mate Henry have hatched an elaborate plan to convince Vera to let Jack keep pigeons again.

Henry, the President of the Weatherfield Pigeon Fanciers Society, promised Jack that he had a foolproof plan that would mean Vera was begging Jack to start keeping pigeons again. It’s just as well it’s foolproof considering Henry’s working with Jack and Vera.

Henry tuned up at the Duckworths’ claiming to be a representative from National Heritage. He told Vera that their house had been singled out for a special award for being “one of the last remaining untouched working class houses” in the area.

But unfortunately, the award, to be presented by “a member of royalty, but it’s all very hush-hush,” would only be given to a house with a fully working pigeon loft.

“Let’s fill the house with pigeons,” Vera screamed hysterically to a smirking Jack. Poor Vera, the closest she’s ever going to come to royalty is holding a ten pound note on pension day.

The madness of Karen McDonald continues apace. In the space of two episodes she’s thrown Steve out and then taken him back.

She’s also smacked Tracy in the mouth – which, let’s face it she deserved – and is now demanding that Steve has sex with her three times a day in spite of the fact she’s not speaking to him.

Poor Steve doesn’t know if he’s coming or going – quite literally.’

Posted: 19th, November 2004 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink