What A Bummer!

‘CALL pop impresario Pete Waterman whatever you like, but it takes a rare genius to look at a frizzy-haired, two-foot tall, buck-toothed Australian and see star quality.

‘I should be so lucky…’

Eighteen years on from those heady days when a young Kylie Minogue just wanted Scott and Scott wanted a better looking girlfriend, Kylie has straight hair, teeth that are no longer taller than her face and high heels.

Rather than being tiny, gnome-like and underdeveloped, Kylie has learnt to make us look instead at her better qualities, like her pert backside and her knickers.

She has also learnt to talk without going up at the end of each sentence, meaning that when she does speak the people at the Mail listen.

Sure, the paper is appalled that Kylie at age 36 is still showing off her pert body (see the paper’s shot of Kylie in fishnets and corset), but the woman herself just wishes you’d look away.

‘I’d get on the bus,’ says Kylie, as she says how her dream is to go about unrecognised, to be just another girl about town in a tight bodice with a habit of bending over a lot.

She then crawls on her hands and knees over to the Mirror (taking time to throw a few cheeky looks over her shoulder to the bus conductor and passengers) before sparing a few words to the wise for pretenders to her knickers.

‘If any of the youngsters think it’s [pop stardom] all about designer labels and limos and lifestyles of the rich and famous, they are mistaken,’ says Kylie.

It’s not all about that. Really. Sometimes it’s about hard work. It’s putting up with what Kylie says is the five or ten per cent of her job ‘I just despise’.

It’s about encountering ‘less-than-pleasing people’ and trying to ‘get them off you’.

But above all this it’s about forgetting to put on a skirt, bending over and wiggling those oh-so-pert buttocks…’

Posted: 2nd, December 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink