Dicky Ticker

‘ARE you awake?

Music’s answer to Harold Shipman

Not sure? Try pinching yourself. Feel anything? No!? Hmmm… You might just be dead – or feeling the ill effects of too much Richard Clayderman.

But how much is too much of the pianist? We suggest that you take no risks and even a single note is overdoing it.

If anyone this holiday season puts one of the Frenchman’s recordings on the stereo, best smash it and them to pieces lest you die.

And do not think this is any way a lesson born of spite – it’s simply a matter of us taking care of your health.

For what’s good for the patients at Lodgeside Surgery in Kingswood, Bristol, is good for you too.

There sick and lame waiting to see that surgery’s doctors complained that the music in the waiting room – Clayderman, Beethoven, Mozart – was depressing them.

As surgery manager Martyn Nicholls tells the Express: ”Patients said the music was too dull, so we bought some new CDs.

”We used to have middle-of-the-road stuff, mainly Richard Clayderman playing classical music.”

And that produced in many listeners a crushing sense of isolation and loss that no amount to Prozac could remedy.

So there’s a new sound at the surgery. It’s George Michael. One bar of him and everyone’s feeling much better – expect for one odd little man dressed as Marie Antoinette, who’s moaning horribly…’

Posted: 15th, December 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink