Child’s Play

‘THEY say opposites attract, but in Katy and Martin’s case, that’s clearly not true as the pair both have the IQ of a six-year-old.

‘Don’t cry! There’s always panto…’

Katy casually announced to Martin that she’d like to have a baby for Christmas – well it worked for the Virgin Mary.

Martin tried to point out that they had plenty of time for all that and perhaps it would be an idea for her for to finish school first.

“I might have plenty of time, but you haven’t!” she tactfully reminded him.

Katy then proceeded to demonstrate just how ready for motherhood she is by snogging Candice’s boyfriend, Warren, in a packed Rovers.

Warren, who likes to think of himself as The Street’s David Beckham although is actually more the Wayne Rooney, decided to share his Christmas favours among the lucky ladies of Weatherfield by giving out kisses under the mistletoe.

And of course, who should walk in just as Katy and Warren were locking lips but Martin. Martin got his revenge, however, by clattering into Warren during a street kick-about, resulting in a hospital trip and a bandaged leg.

“Did you see me?!” laughed Martin to Sarah Lou, “I sorted him out good and proper.” Sarah, his 16 year old daughter, went round to give him some relationship advice. “Grow up, dad,” she sneered at him. “You’re an embarrassment.”

Martin has never been one to do the sensible thing when it comes to women – he married Gail for a start – and has now decided to take out an insurance policy leaving everything to Katy.

At least it means she’ll be able to keep up her membership of the Blue fan club and other vital teenage necessities.

There’s also little Christmas cheer in the McDonald household as Karen miscarried her baby at The Underworld Christmas party.

Poor Karen, never the most stable at the best of times, goes completely loony at the thought of Tracy having ‘won’ by being able to give Steve a child.

Karen’s set to leave Weatherfield for good over Christmas and is determined to go out with a bang – banging being the one thing Karen’s actually any good at.

There’s also little Christmas cheer in the Webster household as both Sally and daughter Sophie descend into madness.

Sally is determined to drag her family up into the middle classes whether they like it or not. She’s now doing ‘charity work’ – making up Christmas hampers for the school fete.

“I’ve spent all the housekeeping on the best ingredients,” she trilled to a weary Kevin. “We can’t have them Oak Hill School lot looking down their noses at us and the contents of our larder.”

As Sally feeds her children nothing but fish fingers and beans, perhaps she has a point.

Daughter Sophie, fed up of being ignored by her lunatic mother, has invented an invisible friend ‘Ebony Rae’ to play with. “You’ve murdered her!” Sophie screamed at the mother as she was hoovering the front room.

God only knows what Freud would make of it all!’

Posted: 23rd, December 2004 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink