Naked Ambition

‘ALL you need to know about this year’s Celebrity Big Brother is that the show’s Germaine Greer “always sleeps naked”.

Germaine gives Caprice the come on

That the Express should bury this tantalising gem of information in the centre of a lengthy piece about how this series will be a “celebrity bloodbath” (we can only hope), is an oversight.

Germaine is a singularly attractive woman who needs no gimmicks – like a model’s figure (Caprice), a seductive voice (Lisa I’Anson) or a pair of what she may terms “fuck me shoes” – to have men running.

News of her guaranteed nudity should be in the headlines. It’s not, and instead we get the Sun celebrating the fact that Greer’s fellow celeb, “busty blonde” Brigitte Nielsen, has “threatened” to take her kit off on air.

“I’ll be cooking,” says the 41DD actress, “and then I will lose an item of clothing and keep going until there’s a very tasty dish on offer.” But would anyone have the stomach to eat it?

However, while the muscular Dane does something experimental with her meatballs, the Star says that Caprice intends to go one better – she plans to “go for it”.

And, yes, “it” is sex – at least in the Star’s fevered mind, as it uses its front page to scream: “CELEB BIG BRO: £50k A BONK.”

Star readers able to tear their eyes away from a cover shot of Caprice a in leopard print bra and knicker set, and able to read, learn that the show’s contestants have been made an offer: “Have sex on the show and we’ll give you a £50,000 bonus.”

Which begs the questions as to whom Caprice will do her “it-ing” with? Since we know the American model to be one for the men, her choice seems to be limited.

There’s actor Jeremy Edwards, Happy Monday’s shoegazer Bez, a boy band singer called Kenzie (warning: he may be below the age of consent) and John McCririck.

While TV’s Mr Tic-Tac McCririck looks at the thrusting blonde’s firm to soft going and works out the odds on Caprice boosting her bank balance with each of the boys, we consider another option.

Caprice could take one look at the female eunuch and seize an opportunity. And who could blame her..?’

Posted: 7th, January 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink