For Their Sins

‘DON’T panic! The pictures of Charles and Camilla with brilliant red faces and horns protruding from their heads are not real. This is the Mirror, and we’d lay our last pound on the shots being fakes.

”In 30 years let’s be praying for forgiveness together”

While the Mirror’s lawyers get busy checking the paper’s sources, the paper screams the headline: “WE HAVE SINNED.”

And so they have. But can Charles and his fragrant lover be guilty of the whopping “seven deadly sins” the Mirror accuses them of committing?

For the record, and you the jury, these sins include: “Lying” (see marriage vows to Diana); “Adultery” (Charles has admitted as much on TV); and “Murder”! Yes, murder.

But before conspiracy theorists get carried away, this is nothing to do with Diana but the “murder” of foxes.

And as for the other mortal sins – “Rudeness”, “Crimes against fashion” and “Indecision” – they are surely more worthy of a slap on the wrist than having your eternal soul flayed and goosed in the lower reaches of Hell.

But in the spirit of contrition, the Sun says the happy couple will spend one part of their wedding service apologising for their sins.

The full apology can be found in the 1662 Book of Common Prayer. But for those of you without a copy to hand, the choicest part runs: “We acknowledge and bewail our manifold sins and wickedness, which we, from time to time, most grievously have committed, by thought, word and deed, against thy Divine Majesty, provoking most justly thy wrath and indignation against us.”

And for the record, the Majesty they talk of is the Queen Mother, or God. If they want to win Her Majesty the Queen round, they’ll have to go further.

Somewhere like a remote Antarctic island should do it…

Paul Sorene is the Anorak’

Posted: 8th, April 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink