A Galaxy Of Stars

‘WHILE we cannot find Osama bin Laden, Lord Lucan or Anthea Turner on planet Earth, the intrepid Sun announces that it has spotted Victor Meldrew in space.

Meldrew in a black hole

This is the paper’s front-page story, bigger than Bakri and still more challenging than the news that Coleen McLouglin is planning her own coat of arms, a story relegated to Page 3.

(Says “Chav queen” Coleen: “It will have a Chloe bag and shoes on it. And some Maltesers – my favourite sweets.”)

And in “ONE FOOT IN THE…MILKY WAY”, the paper says that four respected astronomers have located a new constellation in the shape of actor Richard Wilson’s curmudgeonly TV character.

For Sun readers more used to seeing stars falling out of nightclubs and punching cameramen, news that you can see Meldrew by joining up the dots of Coma Berenices, Canes Venatici, Draco, Bootes and Ursa Minor will be of little significance.

However, in simple terms of one syllable, the news is that you can find lots of odd shapes in the stars. Dr Anton Vamplew, of the Royal Observatory in Greenwich, London, says: “People have been discovering new constellations for thousands of years.”

And no sooner has he finished speaking than scientists have made another epic discovery. Over in the aptly-named Star, boffins have notice that between November and April, stargazers can see the image of Dawn French in Orion the Hunter.

Wow! So let’s get looking for those shapes.

And news just in is that a Star reader has worked out that if you join dot “1” to dot “2”, you get a short line, which when squinted at and held close to the face, looks like Big Brother’s Eugene…’

Posted: 10th, August 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink