Love On The Rocks

‘WITH Blair found and the mute Piano Man out of hospital, talking and back home in Germany, the papers have two new mysteries for their readers to work on.

Sienna is cut up about Jude

Who needs an Agatha Christie classic on the beach when you can pick up a copy of the Mirror and try to answer the front-page question: “What has Sienna done to her arm?”

Readers who look at the back of puzzle books for the answers can immediately turn to page 3 to “FIND OUT”. But before that, we’d like to consider the evidence over in the Mail.

In “Troubled Sienna and the five cuts on her forearm”, the Mail puts the angry red marks in context, saying how Sienna has been cheated on by her ex-fiancee, Jude Law.

Then the paper dallies long enough at a question-and-answer session that follows Miller’s performance in As You Like It in London’s West End to hear an audience member ask if she found it hard to act amid the revelations about her love life.

Replied Miller: “There’s a lovely expression – Dr Theatre.” Which suggests to the Mail that the actress sees treading the boards as a kind of therapy. And where there’s therapy, there’s deep-seated angst. And then there are those red marks.

The tale of Miller’s arm grows ever more intriguing. And over in the Sun, Miller is once again dubbed “troubled” as the paper tells its readers that the star is going through “fretful times”.

There are hints being hinted at. Clues are being posted in the Mail and the Sun. We are being invited to consider the Sienna’s body of evidence and draw some conclusions.

But we grow impatient. And it’s back to the Mirror and to its page three. And there we learn: “She did it taking a dip in the sea…”

Miller’s spokeswoman tells the paper: “She grazed her arm and bruised her hip as she was buffeted against some rocks.”

So the wounds weren’t caused by…? Oh, that’s good. But what was she doing in the sea in the first place? Especially a sea choppy enough to cause her to sustain such injuries?

And then why let photographers see your wounds, which could have been easily covered over with a sleeve?

Like Christies’ Mousetrap, this mystery is sure to run and run…’

Posted: 24th, August 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink