Choking A Chicken

‘THE sky really is falling in on Chicken Licken. Bird flu is coming to get him, and it’s going to spread to Cocky Locky, Goosy Loosey and Henny Penny. And then Foxy Loxy and the King are going to get it. They’re as stuffed as Turkey Lurky at Christmas time.

As the Mail says, bird flu has mutated into a form that can be easily passed to humans. Over in Vietnam, chicken watchers have noticed that the virus is starting to change.

“Fear of pandemic grows as bird flu adapts to humans,” squawks the paper. The “feared” H5N1 virus is “steadily changing”. Scientists at Vietnam’s Pasteur Institute analysed 24 samples of the virus taken from poultry and humans and found that one sample contained a mutation in the PB2 gene.

“We have to get the message through that this is going to be much more serious,” says Sir Liam Donaldson, the chief medical officer. The virus “will come”. “The fight will be an extended and protracted one… We can’t be alarmist.”

Too late for that. We are alarmed – the Mail has seen to that. Now we must prepare.

And the Sun thinks it knows how to get ready for the attack. The paper says sauerkraut may cure bird flu. Professor Kang Saouk, of South Korea, fed 13 chickens infected with avian bird flu the pickled cabbage. Eleven showed signs of recovery within a week.

Great news. Although it’s not so marvellous for those of you who don’t like sauerkraut. But short of bypassing your taste buds by stuffing the concoction into a syringe and pumping it directly into your body, what can you do?

No worries, as the Sun gives the world its recipe for Chocolate Sauerkraut Cake.

Useful as this advice is, it is a little too reactive for our tastes. We need to take the fight to the virus. And the Sun has a story which might show us the way ahead.

The paper has spotted a new toy on the shelves. The £14.99 batter-powered Chocking Chicken is a “fun” product aimed at children as young as six. And the aim is to strangle it.

As the paper says, when grasped firmly by the neck, the chicken’s wings and legs flail. Its eyes bulge. Its cheeks glow red.

The RSPCA says this toy is “warped and irresponsible”. It “sends out the wrong message”.

But we are unconvinced by that argument. Surely the toy is educational. We need to prepare for when the virus arrives and birds must be done away with.

Choke a chicken and stop the virus! And if you haven’t got a chicken of your own to choke, practice on a friend’s…’

Posted: 14th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink