What’s My Line?

‘DO write in if you currently work in a TV detector van. Better yet, send in your diary.

We have seen the private words of ambassadors, princes and SAS veterans but have yet to hear from the man whose job it is to trawl the streets on the lookout for people watching the magic box without a licence.

What horror lurks in those vans with the boomerang on the top? What hideous creatures inhabit them? If you know, do tell.

And while we wait for that, the Times wants us to hear some of the excuses offered up by those unlucky enough to be caught in the trap.

Almost 350,000 licence evaders were caught in the first ten months of this year, a crime which can attract a fine of £1,000 – and you then have you buy the licence (£126.50 for a colour set).

There’s the man who said the only person who watches the TV was his dog. The TV owner who told the inspector: “That’s not a TV, it’s a fish tank.”

Another who claimed: “I never use my set. I just switched on EastEnders to see if it affected my radio reception.” (And to remind him how the BBC squanders TV licence payers’ cash.)

The evader in Fife who said: “I don’t need a TV licence because I only watch Australian soaps and, as far as I’m aware, you don’t need a licence in Australia.”

But our favourite must be the man in Coventry, who when caught stood on his doorstep and uttered the delightful excuse: “I’m too busy having vigorous sex with my wife to buy a licence.”

Which makes us wonder what he was doing when he answered the door..?’

Posted: 25th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink