The Celebrity Body

‘“PREGNANCY EXCLUSIVE,” says the front page of OK!. But it’s an oxymoron. No showbiz pregnancy can ever be exclusive. It exists as a thing to be shared with anyone, everyone. It’s as exclusive as air.

Indeed, pretty much the only thing exclusive about this story is that the embryo is exclusively growing inside GMTV presenter Kate Garraway.

But even then, after reading the insights into her condition, we come away feeling a little queasy and not entirely certain if her pregnancy is contagious. She’s got it. We’ve got it. And now you’re gonna get it.

Listen in as Kate has her scan. “The baby is fine,” says Kate. It’s got “all its arms and legs”. Although Kate fails to show us a picture of the scan, an oversight possibly brought about by the problems in her life.

Oh, yes, this is no perfect celebrity life. Kate and her husband Derek are having “so many problems” with building work at their home. “We’re in chaos for the next few months.”

And then the there’s the morning sickness. Kate was worried “kidney problems” had returned, but – phew! – it wasn’t that. It was a baby.

But should Kate be careful because of those “kidney problems”. “No, apparently not,” says Kate. Phew again.

But before Kate can mention her “kidney problems” one more time, and before OK! can ask what they are – and in so doing enlarge the scope of this insight into the delicate workings of the celebrity body – we hear the doctors approach.

They ask Kate when her last period was. “They were saying: ‘When was your last period?’ And I was saying: ‘Oh God. I really don’t remember!’ They look at you as if you’re a mad woman when you say that.”

And so it is that Kate introduces her mental health into this conversation on her physical wellbeing.

This is getting to be an education. So far, Kate has provided us with a case study in anatomy, nephrology and gynecology.

But before we get to cytology, and thus the golden chance to investigate each of Kate’s constituent parts under OK!’s soft-focus microscope, the specimen wants us to know how at the start of her pregnancy she was “obsessed with cherry tomatoes and salt.”

Interesting to lean that, unlike the rest of us, she’s not obsessed with Kate…’

Posted: 5th, December 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink