Celebrity Do Little
”I SOLD flowers. I didnt sell myself. Now youve made a lady of me Im not fit to sell anything else’ Eliza Dolittle (Pygmalion).
For flowers, read buds, as the Star shows topless Big Brother winner Chantelle Houghton partly immersed in a bath of water on its Page 3. (The Star is clearly ignorant of Chantelles post-win promise: You wont see my t*ts out after today.)
And for phonetics Professor Henry Higgins, read mo-del Caprice, whose performance on the hit TV show inspired Chantelle to give being a blonde celebrity her full attention.
Theres more from the woman the Mail calls the Eliza Dolittle of our age over in the Mirror, as the paper shows its readers a shot of Chantelle in her school uniform.
Of course, what with this being the Mirror and not, say, the Sun, Chantelle is wearing her school uniform at school, not in some fantasy detention with busty Nikki or any number of other Essex flower girls.
As the picture of a 15-year-old shows, she was once dark of hair. But thats as far as the change goes. I might be a celebrity now, says Chantelle, but Ill never change. I dont know how to.
Hence the Mails Eliza Dolittle take on Chantelle, a woman it calls natural and unexpurgated, who was herself with such a sweetly artless and unspiteful sang-froid that the viewing public…became entranced.
Chantelle needs to change if shes to survive in celebritys shark-infested waters. But how?
By her own admission, shes says she doesnt know how to change, which means shes in need of a tutor especially if she wants her new band Kandy Floss to make it big.
Perhaps Preston, her Big Brother co-star, himself a pop star, can tutor Chantelle in the ways of the pop warble? The Mail says shes all set to record a version of I Want It Right Now, the song she murdered on the show. So why not get help with the vocals, melody and harmony from someone in the know?
Or what about Simon Cowell? The Mail says Chantelle and the high-trousered one are discussing future TV projects.
The offers are bound to come rolling in for Britains blondest and newest celeb. And whether its championing motels (Chantelle is the face of Travelodge), singing or just being a celeb, well wager Chantelle is even bit a successful in her new career as Kerry Katona, Jordan, Jodie Marsh and many, many, more who dared to dream…’
Posted: 30th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
