Sick As A Parrot

‘CAN it be true? The Mirror’s front page says that ‘Big’ Ron Atkinson is staying at The Priory?

It’s undeniable that Ron is a celebrity, and has every right to behave as one. But we would never have supposed that the man who gave the world “Ronglish” (his unique take on the national idiom) would go the way of so many Barrymores, Collymores and Katonas.

Atkinson is of the old school, the unreconstructed face and dragged-over hair of British manhood. Ron’s unafraid to call a spade a spade – and Marcel Desailly something that doesn’t bear repeating.

But then we read on. Silly us. Big Ron‘s not in Roehampton’s THE Priory, that staging post for tired and emotional stars; he’s in a Priory, the Priory Hospital in Edgbaston, Birmingham.

Relieved that we are to be spared salacious tales of wild nights of drug and alcohol abuse and mentally damaged with nightmarish visions of Ron partying hard into the early doors of a debauched weekend, we read on.

Inside the paper we learn that Ron is the victim of a rare blood infection that has caused his left leg to turn bright red and balloon.

“IT’S BUG RON,” says the Sun, as it identifies a spider as the cause of Ron’s troubles. Apparently, the arachnid – possibly a lazy, thick black one – bit Ron as he topped up his perma-tan in the Caribbean.

With Ron not yet fully recovered, the Sun hears from Mrs Ron, Maggie. “He’s been very ill,” says she. “It was a nasty situation at one stage and was vital he got attention as soon as possible.”

And it was, apparently, thanks to Maggie that he did. Full marks to her. Ron must be over the moon…’

Posted: 14th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink