Kit ‘N’ Heels

ENGLAND football fans are not all shaven headed and overweight. Really they are not.

The Mirror has photographic evidence to support our theory.

There’s the supporter on the paper’s Page 3. This fan is female. She has long hair. She wears a pair of tiny white shorts, a red top with the message “England rocks” on the front and a pair of brown boots. She is, as the Star says, “stick thin”.

But peer pressure might be beginning to tell, and the Star has a shot of this fan standing with other England supporters as they queue for chips.

And she should eat them quickly. As the Mail says, this fan – revealed to be one Victoria Beckham – is “WASTING AWAY”.

“Posh is thinner than ever,” says the paper’s headline in a story by its fashion expert Liz Jones – “herself an anorexic.”

Alongside a shot of Posh in her unofficial footy kit, Liz says she has been “trying not to be worried about Victoria Beckham”.

But she can stand it no more. Liz has cracked. She is upset by Vicky’s “mostly fake” hair. She is unsettled by Vicky’s “totally fake” breasts. She is riddled with angst by Vicky’s Fake Bake tan, false eyelashes and lashings of foundation, concealer and blusher.

And she feels paroxysms of real pain in her caring heart as she spots Vicky’s “positively ill, emaciated” look.

But don’t worry about Liz upsetting Vicky. As Liz says, “What matters to us is the voice in our head telling us we are not good enough.”

Liz says Vicky is suffering from “low self-esteem”. And that will never improve unless she “removes herself from everything that is shallow and meaningless”.

So says the Mail’s fashion editor. And so say we all…

Posted: 16th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink