Not Match Fit

Winners

Australian Prime Minister John Howard wants employers to go easy on their football loving staff. Such is the time difference between Germany and Down Under that fans of the Socceroos (a nickname that surely qualifies them for a permanent place in the ‘Losers’ section of this piece) are staying up way past their bedtimes. And then there is the added pain of defeat.

A poll by jam makers Duerr’s has found that most people would like to preserve Wayne Rooney for posterity. Robbie Williams was second and Peter Kay (aka Ronaldo) third.

Dutch researchers writing in The Journal of Sports Science found that players who attempt to outthink the goalkeeper by waiting to see which way he will move are most likely to miss. Chief researcher John can der Kamps says: “If a player places the ball just inside the post, it is almost impossible for the keeper to reach it in time.” England take note.

Losers

It’s a matter of do as I say and not as I do for one of ITV’s World Cup team. Tired of spending so long cooped up in coaches and hotel rooms, Ally McCoist, Gabby Logan and Andy Townsend decided to get match fit. They jogged to a park in Berlin and performed stomach crunches, push ups and sprints. McCoist wanted more. So next day they did ten sprints. And McCoist pulled his right hamstring.

German police were on hand to help a couple of England fans. They had fallen asleep in their van and forgotten to apply the handbrake. Result: they had rolled across the road into a parked car. Police pushed them back into position and applied the bake.

Thirteen coachloads of children had a nice tip to Germany. They saw the forests. They ate the gigantic pork sausages. They may even have laughed. But they never saw any live World Cup football. The tickets that had bought to watch the Czech Republic v Ghana in Cologne never materialised.

Former Labour leaders Neil Kinnock’s wife has been cheering on England’s opponents. Glenys Kinnock, a member of the European Parliament, says she will be rooting for Sweden today. She says she is looking forward to seeing England getting “thrashed”. Just like her Neil did all those years ago.

Posted: 20th, June 2006 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink