Herr She Goes

BY way of own goals and good fortune, England are still in the World Cup. And the Sun brings more news of the players’ lovers and wives.

There’s a picture of Victoria Beckham. She’s dressed in a tiny pair of denim hotpants and an orangey tan. And there’s a picture of Melanie Slade, lover of England’s resident bellboy Theo Walcott. She wears a pair of jeans and a leopard-print top.

And there’s Coleen McLoughlin. Or, rather, there was Coleen. As the Mail reports, Coleen has had to leave the party in a “mercy dash”. Coleen has flown 900 miles home to have her hair done.

“Before I left for Germany,” says Coleen, in a voice that makes whales sit up and listen, “I had copper and blonde hair extensions put in.”

She goes on: “I liked them at first, but after a while I decided I preferred my usual look.”

So she had the false hair unwoven from her scalp and her own locks dyed to her “original” colour.

While we salute Coleen’s dedication to England’s World Cup campaign, some people are less than happy. Richard Dryer, of Friends of the Earth, says Coleen’s flight caused massive “environmental damage”.

He is, however, prepared to afford Coleen the benefit of the doubt and says that she “is probably unaware” of how hazardous to Mother Earth a short trip home to the hairdressers is.

And perhaps equally unaware that if England don’t start playing better, she only has to wait another week or so to make the journey home with Wayne Rooney and the rest of the England party…

Posted: 21st, June 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink