Sven’s Lucky Seven
“WAYNE’S ready. Are you?” Who needs the former twinkle-eyed BBC presenter Des Lynam to deliver inviting teasers onto the box when you can have headlines like that, and on the front page of the Times, no less?
Of course, Wayne Rooney is not ready. He is only half ready. England’s good parts and bad parts in their last two matches have coincided with Rooney’s arrival on the field against Trinidad & Tobago and his departure from it against Sweden.
As another headline in the Times says: “ON TO GLORY WITH ROONEY…OR OUT.”
Rooney’s role in the England set up is pretty clear. But for those of you who imagine the plan is more cunning than “Get it to Rooney”, the Express produces a graphic. It’s called “Letting England off the leash” and features all manner of arrows snaking from the feet of Gerrard, Lampard, Beckham and Joe Cole. That all these arrows should point toward Rooney illustrates the tyro’s importance to the team.
That none of the arrows emerge from the feet of England’s faltering back four and jittery goalkeeper is more wishful thinking than any attempt to make the game with Ecuador a five-a-side contest.
Not that England need even five players. All they need is Rooney and Beckham. In the Express, readers hear the England captain outline his plan for tomorrow’s big match. “The way to get the best out of me is to give me the ball,” says David. “If I get the ball and have got a yard of space I will deliver it to someone to score a goal.”
Of course, this is David being diplomatic. His “someone” is merely a more inclusive way of saying “Rooney”.
It’s a great plan. And while Becks wanders deeper and deeper into his own half to find that precious yard of space from which to deliver a big diagonal pass to Rooney, the Mirror says that it England will win the match. Indeed, England will win the World Cup.
Why? Because the number 7 says so, that’s why. “In “7 REASONS WHY WE’LL WIN THE WORLD CUP” the paper says: This is England’s 7th finals appearance since 1966; the words winners, England and captain all have 7 letters; England finished top of their group with 7 points; England have had 7 full-time managers who have not won the World Cup; Sven’s full name is Svennis, which has 7 letters; David Beckham wears the number 7.
Oh, and “the final’s on Sunday, the 7th day of the week, in July, the 7th month of the year.” Or not. Sunday is the first day of the week. England need to find another lucky number 7 lest the magic fail them.
Perhaps they should start the game with seven players. Sure, it is a lot more than the two players they need to win the match – Rooney and Beckham – but needs must.
And then we have it. The Mirror says the Wags (those footballers’ wives and girlfriends) have been on a “7-hour bender”. Hoorah! Who still says taking them to Germany was a waste of time?
Posted: 24th, June 2006 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
