Belly Laughs

FROM the vapid weltschmerz of Victoria Beckham and those Wags, we take a look at David Beckham, and notably those shots of the England skipper yawning in vivid technicolour over a patch of grass in Stuttgart.

Was it something David ate that caused him to hurl on the pitch? Is he the Beckham with an eating disorder and not his wife, as some wrongly suppose? Or was his vomiting an insightful comment on the way England play football?

German tabloid Bild thinks that could be the reason. In “David Brecham” (brechen is the German for vomit), the paper says it was England’s style, or lack of it, that caused Beckham to hurl.

The Sun is aghast. This is cruel kriegspiel. The paper notes how Bild has already labelled Beckham’s sister Joanne a “fat pig” and his children “dwarves”.

And now it has given over an entire page of its ‘Cup’ section to David being sick. This is a “stomach-churning attack”.

Why can’t the Germans fill their tabloids with shots of near naked, orange-skinned women, adverts for Viagra and Big Brother updates like a proper paper?

These Germans have no idea. They are wrong to say it was the sight of his wife’s credit card bill that caused David to chunder.

The Sun deals only in truth. And it puts them right. “Beckham was simply suffering from dehydration after his free kick sent England into the quarter-finals,” it says matter-of-factly.

David is not pregnant, as the German paper also supposes. Neither did he drink too much “thin, bad” English beer?

He is just celebrating a goal. And if the Germans doubt that they can head along to Gelsenkirchen this weekend to see many thousands of noble English yeomen doing just the same all over the strasse…

Posted: 28th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink