Germany Defeated!

HAS a football supplement carried a more suitable name than the Mirror’s “FOOTBALL MANIA”? We think not.

A look at the front page shows a picture of Portugal coach Luiz Felipe Scoalri (left) and Gene Hackman (right).

“Gene Hackman lookalike Scolari went Behind Enemy Lines to have “The Conversation” with the FA. They asked him to join The Firm. He said no, became an Enemy of the State and now he’s Unforgiven, but we’ve got Sven, who’s a Superman II. There’s No Way Out (Maybe you should have taken the Missus shopping down French Connection instead).”

All very good. But this is a headline of two halves. It begins well but runs out of steam under closer scrutiny.

But as long as Scolari doesn’t exert Absolute Power over Sven, get the Split Decisions to go his way, deploy The Replacements for the banned Deco and Costinha to maximum effect and become England’s Heartbreakers, things should go just fine.

Better had the Mirror just stuck with the tried and tested war theme that runs like a thin red line throughout just about everything England do. “Your country needs Roo,” says the cover of the Time’s The Game section.

Wayne Rooney points his finger at us all, a freckle-faced version of Lord Kitchener of Khartoum.

The Times says Rooney is “fired up” to take on Portugal. And that’s good – unless Rooney uses the fires that burn within to blow his top.

Mistakes can be made in the heat of battle. And so we read in the Mail of newsreader Natasha Kaplinsky’s gaff.

At six o’clock last night, Natasha’s “big news” was that Germany had been knocked out of the World Cup. Hurrah! On penalties. Hurrah!!

But breaking news just in told Natasha that the Germans had not been defeated. Nein!!! “No, I’m sorry,” said Natasha, “that is not the news at all.”

Were Lord Kitchener still recruiting for the fight we would suggest that Natasha pop along to her local Army office and enlist.

These are times of rare tension and we do not need her sort among us. Careless talk is dangerous.

Posted: 1st, July 2006 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink