Cop A Load Of That

AFTER Closer, heat, OK! and Now, the world of celebrity magazine gives a big airy kiss to safe!.

As the Star reports, the magazine is the work of those top hacks at Suffolk police. The organ features fashion tips, hair and beauty guidelines and a problem page.

And there’s some sound advice on how to dress for a night of binge drinking and cat fighting in the country’s shopping precincts.

As fashion editor W. K. Dee says: “For those of you intent on getting ratted this weekend, think. If you fall over or pass out, your skirt may ride up.

“You could show off more than you intended – for all our sakes, please make sure you’re wearing nice pants and that you’ve recently had a wax.”

Quite so. The last thing any copper wants at the end of a busy shift is to be confronted with an untamed gusset. There should be a law against it.

And besides keeping women in trim, the magazine is intended to keep them safe!. Chief Inspector David McDonnell, of Suffolk Police, flicks past the magazine’s picture of a girl in a mini skirt flashing her backside and says: “The message is simple – have a good time, don’t overdo it, friends stick together and get home safe.”

In short, don’t be like Jade Goody, whose knicker-encased backside is used to illustrate the story.

Sure, flashing her knickers helped get Jade to a hammock in the Caribbean – the Sun has a shot of the hammock collapsing under the combined weight of Jade, her skinny lover Jack Tweedy and her knickers – but it will only get you in trouble.

Think on.

Posted: 13th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink