The Best Show In Tinseltown
FORGET fey Caribbean pirates and a Christopher Reeve impersonator in tights, the big Hollywood show was occurring on a Malibu highway.
On Monday, we read of an alleged exchange between Mel Gibson and officers from the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s department. This is a family site so we will skip the first bit of Gibson’s alleged tirade and fast forward to the second line.
“The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world,” said Gibson. The actor, alleged to be the driver of a vehicle caught travelling at 87mph in a 45mph zone, then turned to Officer James Mee. “Are you a Jew?” he asked.
But before Mel can get to work on his righteous new movie “Pigs And Jews” (in Latin with subtitles), he remembered that he was a really nice guy and not in the least bit anti-Semitic and arrogant.
It wasn’t him talking. It was the spirit talking through him – the spirit of tequila, an opened bottle of which was said to have been on the backseat of his car. Mel was over the limit.
While Mel was being processed by the authorities, Hollywood set about proving that the best scripts do not always make it to the big screen. And on Tuesday, the Mirror found it hard to avoid “attention seeking” actress Lindsay Lohan.
She was “the baddest girl in showbiz”. And she was suffering from “exhaustion” brought on by too much work.
But James G Robinson, producer of Lindsay’s latest movie, Georgia Rules, was less certain.
He said Lindsay’s excuses were “bogus”. In a letter to the star, he called her a “spoiled child” who had “alienated” co-workers and “endangered” the quality of the picture.
Hollywood was providing all the best entertainment. But we have stars of our own. And on Wednesday we spotted one of them. It was Victoria Beckham. And she had had a hair cut.
But why had her mane been butchered? The story was that she was “talked into” having her hair cut by photographer Thiemo Sander.
And then there was the Star’s front-page news. “MY SEX TEXTS WITH BECKS,” it said. And readers learnt that “busty Love Island babe” Emma Ryan said Vicky’s husband David was “gagging for it”.
Glamour mod-el Emma said: “He wanted to see me naked and couldn’t wait to play a game of strip Scrabble.”
Though we admire Becks’ abilities with a ball, chances are a game of strip Scrabble would see him naked long before Emma had even removed her mittens.
But the suggestion was that he had seen it all. Emma said she and Becks shared a “love affair”. It was reported that Becks was said to have sent her “filthy text messages” and “treated her like a princess”.
Might this story be the catalyst for Posh’s new look, her hairdo the result of a frenzied hack with a pair of garden shears? And might Emma be soon sporting a similar hairstyle?
While the papers poured over pictures of Posh’s “SHORT BECKS & SIDES” (various) we returned to Tinseltown. And on Thursday we saw Tony Blair partying at Hollywood’s Skybar.
The Sun spotted Tony “scoffing” canapes and boozing. He was hanging out with his homey, the rapper, convicted felon and pornographer Snoop Dogg.
“Yo Blair! Yo Dogg,” said the headline. And reading on we saw that Tony was also in the company of a host of footballers from Chelsea FC.
As the Sun said, “Not quite the average night out for a Newcastle United fan who likes Genesis, cream–coloured slacks and naff denim shirts.”
But these are changing times for Tony. It can’t be too long before he’s looking for a new job, and good on him for researching new careers, like being a rap star or a professional footballer.
Is this not life long learning? Indeed it is. And we look forward to Tony researching other jobs – solider, reality TV contestant, religious fundamentalist, and being hailed as the new Mel Gibson by Friday…
Paul Sorene
Posted: 5th, August 2006 | In: Reviews Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink
