Just(ice) 19

“IN jeans and T–shirt, she looks like a typical teenager!” writes the Mail. The paper has a picture of one Lucy Tate and invites readers to study her form.

We do. And note that Lucy looks pretty normal, albeit without the teenage panoply of spliff, pregnancy tum-tum and snarl.

Lucy has a “love for sparkly shoes and bags, shopping and watching television”, notes the Mail. And once more we consider the evidence. And, taking the fact that Lucy lives in a cul-de-sac with parents Mandy and Robert and their two Yorkshire terriers – we rule that Lucy is pretty normal.

And then drops the bombshell. Lucy is a magistrate! At just 19 years of age, Lucy is the youngest magistrate in the land.

Other teens who want to get a closer look at Lucy can catch her appearances at Pontefract magistrates court, West Yorkshire. Old classmates of Lucy’s keen to renew lost friendships can see Lucy by way of a little shoplifting and criminal damage.

Lucy, who confesses to being fan of the film Pretty Woman and travelling, poses for a picture but fails to speak.

It’s left to a friend to speak on Lucy’s behalf. “She is a sensible girl and takes the business of being a magistrate very seriously,” says the unnamed pal.

Indeed. As a student of the law – Lucy studies at Leeds University – we expect nothing less.

And anyone who says Lucy has become a Beak to meet Pete Doherty can be taken to the cells until they come to their senses…

Posted: 14th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink