The Come Back Kids
IT was a week of returns.
On Monday, George Michael was back in the headlines. George was giving a public performance before a crowd of 18,000 fans in Barcelona. It was George’s 25th anniversary gig, and, as the Sun said, it was his first “proper” live show for 15 years.
This was perhaps a slight on George’s recent improper shows, notably the George Michael Unplugged concert on Hampstead Heath, his private performance in a balaclava at a London hotel and the conzzzzzert in his Range Rover.
“I’ve forgotten what that feels like and I’m really excited,” said George Michael, ominously. “As much as I’m going to disappoint those people who want to see more of my bottom,” said he, “I’m going to be less of a showman and more of a singer.”
He then wandered over the stage, and in the manner of a more agile Pavarotti pulled down the flies on a 50ft inflatable effigy of George Bush. True to his word, no bum was forthcoming, but we did get to see a bulldog pleasuring the leader of the free world.
This was George being a serious musician. And while he revisited old ground and went dogging with Dubya, we spotted Pete Doherty.
Pete was back with Kate Moss again. “So what are they up to?” asked the Mirror on its front page, the question hanging beside a picture of the couple in a clinch.
Inside the paper, we got to find out. And, as that lead picture suggested, Pete and Kate were clinching. Or frisking, as it is known in rehab circles.
We also noted that Pete was sporting a black eye. It was his new look. But on Wednesday the suspicion was that Kate had returned to an old look of her own.
Kate is of course free of drugs, a triumph of rehab. But the Sun still found the inside of her nose interesting.
To aid readers not trained in the finer points of nostril identification, the Sun showed a picture of Kate and used a black arrow to lead the uncertain to her nose and then up it.
And looking on, the Sun told us that while watching Pete perform in Ireland – it is reported that he sings in a band – Kate sported a smattering of “mystery white blobs up her nose”.
And the questions began. What was it? The Sun heard “fans” suggest that it could be “talc”, “zitcream” or “toothpaste”.
Whatever it was, it was not cocaine. Of that we can be certain.
Just as we can be sure that Pete is also clean. So when on Thursday we read that he had walked into Health Express chemist in Millennium Ways, Dublin, and purchased two syringes, we thought nothing of it.
Chemists, or pharmacists as they are known to Mail readers, have long sold drugs and the paraphernalia for their taking. We’d have been more shocked had Pete emerged from the drug shop clutching a pound of fresh scallions, a small pink lizard and a pint of Ben Johnson’s urine.
Or carrying Richard Hammond. On Friday came the news that the TV presenter was back in the land of the living. (Cancel the minute’s silence – he’s OK!)
Hammond, who crashed while trying to drive a car from Yorkshire to Australia the hard way, was very much alive.
He was fine. The injuries only hurt when Hammond laughed. He gave a “cheeky wave”. The Star said he had the paramedics “in stitches with his quips”. The paper heard helicopter pilot Steve Cobb tell Hammond: “Last time I saw you I thought you were dead!”
The humour was as infectious as MRSA.
Picture: bbdo
Posted: 29th, September 2006 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
