Toxic Cows
EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it can’t think any up, it looks at the latest scientific research.
Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…
MONDAY
“Bank to warn of meltdown over giant home loans” – Over £15,000 mortgages worry the Bank of England
“Cows ‘do more harm than cars’” – Report by United Nations (“Livestock’s Long Shadow’) finds cows produce more methane and carbon dioxide than car. But do taste better…
“Fat on the inside – Scan shows how even skinnies can be storing up health problems”
“Mothers who had epidurals ‘struggle to breastfeed’” – Says study at University of Sydney
TUESDAY
“The Christmas toys that are as loud as a road drill” – The Nintendo Road Drill is here
“The high-fliers too busy for sex” – Successful business types not getting any; at least not at home
“Can avoiding peanuts make children allergic?” – Can you risk it?
“Arctic summer ice cap will ‘disappear by 2040’” – So says National Center for Atmospheric Research in the energy efficient USA
The Numbers:
250,000 – The number of people who get shingles in Britain each year
23 – The percentage of people claming to be too stressed to look forward to Christmas
14,000 – The number thought to be unknowingly infected with CJD
“BLUNDER THAT KILLED MY WIFE. Every time you go into hospital, your risk of dying through medical error is as high as one in 300”
“Useless. Dangerous. Even crooked. The brutal verdict on our most popular complementary medicine cures – by Britain’s foremost expert” – Professor Edzard Ernst, Britain’s first professor of complementary medicine, has a book out
“WATCH YOUR STEP. From infertility to osteoarthritis, wearing the wrong footwear this winter could play havoc with your health” – Look out for the ice!
WEDNESDAY
“FOR SALE BRITAIN PLC. Our biggest names are being sold off to foreign predators at an alarming rate. How long can this go on?” – Predators or investors?
THURSDAY
“The glamorising of drugs and why this pair should hang their heads in shame over the Suffolk Murders” – A.N. Wilson illustrates his headline with a picture of Kate Moss and Pete Doherty. Have they been to Ipswich? We need to know
“OPERATION ARMAGEDDON. Utterly secret, it’s Britain’s biggest building site – giving the lie to Mr Blair’s pledge that there will be an open debate on nuclear weapons” – Armageddon out of here!
“Could British Airways be snapped up by foreigners” – Christians or Muslims?
FRIDAY
“Expect deja view on TV this Christmas” – Only Fools & Horses work…la-la-la-la…
“Gridlock Christmas. Holiday chaos at airports and on the roads will start this weekend” – Good job Santa’s got a flying sleigh
“Veggies grow brighter. They have higher IQs, are healthier and get better jobs, say researchers” – What about the methane gas?
Posted: 18th, December 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
