Spears Takes It On The Chin

“BRITNEY WEARS KNICKERS.”

Such a headline as this commands our attention. And so it is that we return to the Mirror and look on as Britney Spears pulls on a pair of knickers. Big ones. White ones.

But look again. Consider the volume of these knickers and their dimensions. Estimate the force of the elastic. This is not really Britney. Knickers… Pah! As if. It is a look-alike, a stunt double.

But what of that other Britney, the one with the chins? Sadly, this is the real thing. And the Mirror headlines the shocking view “Spear chins”.

In truth, there is only one Britney chin, not for her quivering stacks of jelly-like flesh, her head piled atop the lot like a macabre serving suggestion.

Even with a huge white arrow, the chin does not multiply. But, it is hard not see a thickening of the Spears jaw line. The one chin is growing in confidence.

It is a similar thing over in the Mail. There readers who have recently looked at Madonna’s claw-like hands and Victoria Beckham’s apparently thinning hair now investigate Britney’s chin.

And not just her chin, but her cheeks, head and arms in a piece called “The bloating of Britney”.

The verdict is that after a month of partying, the effect of late nights and full-fat drinks and fuller-fat meals have taken their toll on the star.

But surely the Mail is wrong. Britney has never been a super beauty. Her role is to be positioned just above the norm, an attainable look for millions of American girls, and boys, with big hair, regimented teeth, spots and hips. Britney is the plain Jane who scrubs up well.

The Mail’s photo is not anything out of the ordinary. Indeed, were Britney slim as a rake, skeletal even, she would not be herself. She would not be a typical American girl. She’d be something to really stare at…

Posted: 19th, December 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink