Could It Be Tragic?

JORDAN looks like Barbie?

Not Barbie Streisand, Barbie Bush or Barbie Cartland but Barbie, the plastic figurine who girls dress up and boys put in compromising positions with other Barbies and Action Man.

Jordan is no longer a woman but a toy, a play thing. Pull the wire on her back and hear her say: "Some people may be famous for creating a pencil sharpener. I’m famous for my tits." Use a cotton wool bud soaked in alcohol to clean her. Jordan – available in every colour as long as it’s an orangey brown.

But while the Star finds a reason to mention Jordan – she’s rated as the top celebrity body in a world of celebrity bodies – the Sun brings more news of the woman who is a miracle of engineering and stuffing.

In “Hooter and the hooters”, the Sun says that Jordan wants to sing a song with Barry Manilow.

For all we know, Jordan may also like to look like Barry Mainlow, have breasts the size of Barry Manilow, be Barry Manilow. In her many passionate embraces with her husband, pop acorn Peter Andre, Jordan may even dream of being in a clinch with Barry Manilow, of having Barry Manilow’s children, of creating Barry Manilow magic.

Jordan may also want to speak fluent Latin, become the first female Pope and lead the Roundheads in a re-enactment of the Battle of Naseby.

For now though, Jordan wants to sing with Manilow. “He’s not agreed yet but I’m hopeful,” says she. “Everyone gives into Pricey eventually.”

Even Ken…

Posted: 19th, December 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink