Spirits Move Him

“WERE you drunk?”

The Bishop of Southwark is in conversation with BBC Radio 4 presenter John Humphreys.

And by drunk, Mr Humphreys means intoxicated not by the love of Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost but hooch. Had he been overdoing the wine?

The Bishop thinks. And verily he begins to reply. But before he does, the Sun remembers the moment the Bishop emerged from a drinks do at the Irish embassy in London.

As reported on Anorak, the Bishop, the Right Reverend Tom Butler, staggered into the back of a Mercedes car and began chucking toys from it. It is then “claimed” he left the car – a vehicle belonging to persons unknown to him – and fell to the pavement.

So was he drunk? And did that nasty bruise on his head result from a fall related to the spirits moving within him? Was he bished? Or was he, as he suggested, mugged?

As the Mail asks: “SO WHAT DID HAPPEN AFTER DRINKS AT THE EMBASSY, BISHOP?”

And so to the answer, as transcribed by the Mirror.

Bishop: “Look, I’ve been going to receptions for 20 years as a Bishop. It would be entirely out of character if I was drunk. The police tracked my movements home using my Oyster card records. I got the Tube to London Bridge and then with head wounds I caught the Northern Line to Tooting Bec. I got on a bus and got off at home in Streatham. I defy anyone who has had too much to drink to make that journey.”

That is a challenge many will surely grasp this season of good cheer. Some may fall by the wayside, some will fall asleep, but perhaps one may make it. And that is the important thing.

The conversation continues:

JH: But you did tell your congregation that you’d apparently been mugged?

BoS: Yes. I was instituting a vicar and I told him I didn’t think this happens all the time and that we’d soon find the vicar who did it. [Eh?]

JH: People assume you were making that story up to cover the fact that you were drunk.

BoS: The injuries were compatible with being mugged and we thought that’s what happened.

JH: But we have no reason to disbelieve the witnesses who saw you getting into that car.

BoS: Well that again is a very strange story.

JH: Are you suggesting it might have been made up?

BoS: How could I have broken into a locked car and set off the alarm?

JH: What about the mugging?

BoS: My mobile phone hasn’t turned up, my injuries were compatible with being mugged.

JH: What does your doctor think about the medical tests?

BoS: We’re worried that a week later I can’t remember two or three hours of the evening.

So what did occur? Was the Bishop drunk. Was he mugged? Was he kidnapped by aliens?

And does the answer lie in the bottom of a glass of whiskey…

Posted: 20th, December 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink