Slice Of An Angel

Charlotte Church lines up for a big Amy Winehouse encore… 

AS Amy Winehouse sets new standards in live music with her on-stage vomit, we travel to France.

There, the Sun looks on as Charlotte Church gets in training to overreach Amy’s mark by necking ten sambucas and six vodka redbulls.

Charlotte is holidaying in Chamonix-Mt-Blanc. On her night out she is wearing a pair of strappy gold heels. But they are no good. “It’s fr***ing icy out there. I can’t wear these shoes. Besides, aren’t I meant to be an angel? I’ll float around like an angel in my tights,” says she.

Charlotte duly removes her shoes and walks about the snow in her tights.

Amid the booze, Charlotte happens upon a Pepperoni Delight pizza. “The pizza’s lush,” shouts Charlotte to her orangey-skinned lover Gavin Henson, the Welsh rugby player. She wants Gavin to try it. “Gavin, eat the f******* pizza or I’ll rub it all over your face. Eat it or f*** off. I mean that.”

Gavin is no performer. If Charlotte is to chuck up over the greater public, he will not be a party to it. Charlotte lunges at him. She is brandishing a slice of pizza. He storms off. She screams obscenities at him.

Charlotte is then off for an impromptu performance at Le Privelege bar. She grabs the microphone and begins to belt out a rendition of Sting’s Fields of Gold. Will she now do a Winehouse?

Not yet. Charlotte follows her opening number with Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance With Somebody and Simon & Garfunkel’s Bridge Over Troubled Water.

Outside, Gavin collapses into a flower basket. He is restrained from “lunging” at a group of lads laughing at him.

And Charlotte prepares for her big sambuca and pepperoni fuelled finale.

Eat your heart out, Amy Winehouse…

Posted: 8th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink