Pete Doherty’s Scrambled Eggs
PETE Doherty is no longer under arrest. But he has been.
With Prince Harry and his blonde safely restored to the palace, police are able to turn their attention to the usual business in hand: arresting Pete Doherty.
As the man in blue tells us: “Police arrested three males aged 35, 22 and 27 in the early hours of Saturday morning.” One of them is believed to have been Doherty.
But now Doherty is at large. There is no fun in arresting Doherty if you are going to keep him in a cell. The suspicion is that Doherty works in tandem with the police, periodically offering himself up to be captured. Doherty is less helping the police with their enquiries than he is securing their funding from central Government.
Doherty’s routine arrests enable the police to keep their hand in and prepare for the day when each of us will have a team of coppers assigned to observe our every move.
With crime detection figures low and the police struggling to meet targets, Doherty gets in a car – this latest one is said to have been stolen. The vehicle moves about the quiet streets in an erratic manner.
The police get a tug. Doherty gets a headline. And everyone is happy.
Well, not everyone. The Star hears that Kate Moss is “furious” with her lover for being in trouble with the law again.
An unnamed source talks of a “fuming Kate”. And tells the Star: “It will take more than half-a-dozen eggs to make up for it.”
Half a dozen eggs, eh? After the Star’s recent headline – “KATE ‘N’ PETE’S 3-IN-BED ROMP WITH TOM CAT” – are we now to toss some eggs into the blend?
The Sun has a picture of Doherty and Moss walking by her Cotswold home. In one hand, Doherty holds Moss’s hand. In the other hand, Doherty holds a small bottle of beer. No cat is seen.
But both model’s hand and beer are soon replaced by eggs. The Star says these eggs are Doherty’s attempt to get Kate Moss back on side. For the purposes of historical accuracy, the eggs are six in number and come wrapped in a cardboard box.
How the eggs work their magic is not revealed. But the thinking is that on quiet news days, Doherty juggles them to his beloved’s amusement and then tosses them at passing police cars…
Posted: 13th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
