Kylie Minogue – From T&A to V&A
“KYLIE’S revenge on her cheating lover,” promises the Mail’s front page.
Kylie’s now ex-lover is French actor Olivier Martinez. And Kylie revenge is to have… Well, can you guess?
Did Kylie: a) release a video over the Internet of Olivier showing off his cornichon; b) draw from her well of soap opera plotlines and sleep with Olivier’s dad/brother/mum etc.; or c) murder him?
This was Kylie’s “Revenge by Fedex”, says the Mail by way of a clue. And before you begin to fret, know that Kylie did not put Olivier’s head, that aforesaid cornichon and his boules in boxes and post one to each of the three women he is said to have cheated on her with.
Kylie’s “revenge” is to have gathered up Olivier’s stuff from her place – £100,000 worth – and post the lot to him.
Admittedly, our multiple choice question was misleading, Kylie opting for “d) none of the above”. But we wanted to help her. Her efforts at revenge seem weak. So much for a crime passionnel.
Or did Kylie – cruel, cruel Kylie – not put enough stamps on the boxes thus forcing Olivier to dip into his pockets and regret ever leaving Kylie?
Perhaps the better revenge is to show Olivier what he is missing?
“Olivier who?” asks the Mirror’s front page. It spots “Kylie out for first time since split”. Dressed in a Dolce & Gabbana purple gown and a £1million necklace, Kylie is off to the Victoria and Albert Museum.
Is this what a lonely, single girl does, head to the museum to be alone? Is Kylie alright? “I’m good, I’m fine,” says Kylie.
“Rat’s better,” says the Star’s headline as Kylie smiles. The strains of Stevie Wonders “Isn’t She Lovely” strike up. The Star hears cheers.
A microphone is pushed into Kylie’s hand. She is up on a stage. “I can see a lot for friends here in the crowd, a lot of friends,” she says. She then wishes partygoers an “amazing evening”.
And how can it not be. You want revenge. Here is revenge. As the Express notes, for the first time in the museum’s 155 year history, a show has been dedicated to a musician.
And what a show it is, featuring outfits from Kylie’s career. The Star spots the overalls Kylie wore as Charlene in Neighbours.
There’s the white jumpsuit from the Can’t Get You Out Of My Head video. The leopard-print catsuit. A micro-mini. And that pair of golf hotpants.
You want revenge? Here is revenge. Get a load of that, Olivier. You can’t miss it, Kylie’s talented derriere on a five-metre-wide screen.
Revenge is a dish best served hot, sticky and pert…
Posted: 7th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
