Nunny Shall Sleep – Big Brother Michelle Bass’s Eurovision
BIG Brother housemate emeritus Michelle Bass can’t talk for long. She’s off out. “It’s a transvestite karaoke party.”
Oh? “But this thing is I think I have a fear of transvestites. I’m not sure what to say to them!”
Many will share Michelle’s concerns. Transvestites are never easy company for the uninitiated. Indeed, the only time most of us encounter a cross-dresser is when someone called Aunt Fanny is hosting a show at the local bar, or mum arrives home too early and finds dad “just trying out” her bra and A-line skirt.
Fortunate it is then that Michelle has been interviewed by OK! before her eonaphobia has kicked in. And we are duly afforded a glimpse inside her bedroom.
For this meeting, Michelle wears a pair of fluffy bunny rabbit ears on her head. Does she often wear rabbits on her head? “Generally, yes!” says Michelle. And when they are not on her brilliant yellow head of hair they are running over her dinner table and breeding.
“I love my bunnies,” says the icing on a plate of biscuits before Michelle. Michelle also seems to love Battenburg cake, cream puffs and Bakewell tarts.
And then Michelle puts a carrot in her mouth. This may be less to satisfy Michelle’s inner rabbit and more of a colour guide, a chance for the cameraman to get his eye in, to temper the lens to pick up Michelle’s interesting combination of carrot-orange skin and that bright yellow hair.
And then Michelle says she wants to “do Eurovision”. Given Michelle’s history as a presenter on a satellite porn channel, we shiver at the word “do”. We urge Terry Wogan to look out.
But doing Eurovision turns out to be singing the UK’s official song. Having appeared on Big Brother, it remains Michelle’s last unfulfilled ambition.
And she has a chance. Her song Must Be The Music is down to the final 12. If Michelle is chosen she promises to win.
“It must be the music, yeah, it’s turning me on
I said it must the music, yeah, it’s turning you on”
And if that doesn’t work out? Michelle would love to do a naked magazine shoot. So more porn? “I’ll get my nunny out – and it would be done tastefully.”
So if you want to see some more – as former Eurovisioners Bucks Fizz asked – don’t vote for Michelle…
Posted: 21st, February 2007 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
