Prince William, Two Other Women, Princess Diana And Britney Spears
WILL Prince William (GSOH, own teeth, good prospects) regrets dumping Kate Middleton (former Princess Diana look-alike)?
“Has Wills made a massive mistake?” asks the Express on its front page.
“I just want to have some fun and do what other blokes my age are doing,” the paper hears Wills tell a, er, “confidant”. “I’m too young for all of this.”
Playing The Field
Wills is 24. And when other men his age were touching up Brazilian girls, nightclubbing, going skiing and having a laugh with not a care in the world, Wills was with Kate.
So they split. But the Express says they may yet get back together. In “why the Prince and Kate may one day have a fairytale wedding” the Express looks back at the stock it has put in Wills and Kate – the new Diana, lest we forget – and says maybe they will marry.
Or, perhaps, William will find another woman – if he hasn’t already.
“WILLIAM AND TWO OTHER WOMEN,” says the Mail. And we are re-introduced not to Ana Ferreira and Louise Agar but to two “society beauties”.
Readers lean of Wills’ “serious ‘flirtation’” with another woman and how he has been seen “kissing and cuddling” a blonde in a London nightclub.
Which blonde. Which club? The Mail does not say. And it is left to the Sun to “ROLL OUT THE DOUBLE-BARRELS” and introduce readers to a bevy of gels.
The Diana Factor
Here comes blonde Isabella Ansthruther-Gough-Calthrope. She’s 26. “She was the first cover girl of pose Country Life magazine to appear with a belly button ring.” She has a Diana factor of 5.
It’s Holly Branson, 25. Daughter to billionaire beard Sir Richard Branson, Holly is blonde and was once voted the nation’s No.1 breeding stock in a TV show to decide who Wills should marry. With her showbiz connections, she has a Diana factor of 7.
And there’s Britney Spears. Potentially blonde Britney has two sons, a troubled past, dysfunctional parents and tattoos. We give her a Diana factor of 9. “IF EVERYTHING FAILS, SOMEONE ELSE IS BACK ON THE MARKET,” says the Sun.
This may of may not be a joke. The thing with the Sun is it is hard to tell and truth and parody can overlap.
Take the paper’s ever-so-humble-ma’am Royal snapper Arthur Edwards. He is making ready to speak.
And note this is the same Edwards who all the way back in March 2007 told us: “She [Kate] is a private citizen and she is in love with Prince William and I am sure that one day they will get married, I have talked to him about this.”
Now Arthur looks on and tells us: “I hope Clarence House help Kate through this difficult time. She should not be left alone.”
Indeed. We can’t have Kate, a private citizen, being allowed to return to the bosom of her family and retreat from the limelight unaided by the Royals.
What Kate Does Next
To emphasise its caring nature, the Sun publishes a picture of Kate arriving at her parents’ Berkshire home. She is carrying a box. “ONION RINGS,” says the message on its side. And we know what she means.
Kate should not be left alone. She should not be allowed to suffer. The Royals should not abandon her as they abandoned Diana.
And we should nor have to see pictures of Kate crying over so much heartache, pain and chopped onions…
Picture: Hack
Posted: 16th, April 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink
