Darling Buds Of May: Britney Spears Is Merkin About
BRITNEY Spears has got her “BRITS OUT FOR THE LADS”.
After a month in rehab “playful” Britney Spears is “blossoming again”, says the Mirror as its front page is graced with the sight of a topless Britney Spears.
The paper looks on appreciatively as Britney poses for a camera. According to the paper, Britney has picked two orange flowers and used them to conceal her Nipneys.
But how does it know. We who have never seen Britney’s nipples believe this could be them. If she can shave her head then why not have her nipples rearranged to look like two tufted violets?
Right it is then that Britney makes it to the Mirror’s page 3, the newspaper repeating the front-page photograph for those readers who missed it the first time.
Some readers looking for tales of local elections, Scottish independence and Iraq may mistake this for trite news, a sign that the Mirror has not a clue what its doing, repeating a pap story that Anorak broadcast two days ago.
At least the Sun, which shows the same picture, makes reference to Britney’s latest comeback bid.
The paper spots Britney appearing on stage in Anaheim, California. “I need a hit, baby give it to me,” says Britney as she by pushes a finger to her nose.
Fans are shocked. Fans demand their money back. Sun readers wonder why picking your nose can cause such offence. There may be a drugs connotation, but do note that this is California and the bylaws are fierce. Nose picking is something you do at Messers Nip ‘n’ Tuck’s surgery mall, not on stage.
But Britney is not finished. She is chewing gum and singing at the same time. Well, not singing, exactly, but miming.
“What a total rip off,” moans one fan.
But we beg to differ. What more do Americans want? A shaved head, tattoos, nipples like tufted violets and now miming and chewing gum at the same time!
When is enough enough? Strap some cymbals to your knees, Britney, a kazoo to your upper lip and fashion tour merkin into a small polar bear.
Is it any wonder Britney cracked under the pressure?
Posted: 4th, May 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink
