Enemies At The Gates: Spoon Feeding Chris Tarrant’s ‘Pilau Fight’
THE eleventh rule of tabloid journalism states that all investigations of suspected wrong doing must feature the word ‘gate’. Now this pseudosuffixation brings us the words “SPOONGATE” and “CURRYGATE”. (Pic: The Spine)
Chris Tarrant, wattled quiz show host and celebrity estranged husband, is said to have thrown a piece of cutlery at one John Trussler.
In the Star’s “SPOONGATE”, the paper’s man with an eating implement looks at the matter.
While dining at Memsaab eatery, Nottingham, it is alleged that Tarrant did engage in a “pilau fight” with said Trussler.
Having been engaged in frank conversation with Trussler, Tarrant is said to have hurled an item. Says Tarrant: “I lobbed, I stress lobbed, a spoon or a fork or napkin, whatever, and that was it.”
Tarrant’s testimony reveals a man confused by napkin and fork, but a man certain above all else that what he “lobbed” was not a knife.
A staff member at Memsaab is summoned over by the Star’s man. Was it a spoon? “This is a top quality restaurant. We don’t lay spoons out on the tables – just knives and forks.” And tellingly: “The only spoons we have are to serve meals – and our waiter are in control of those.”
It would seem, yer honour, that spoons have something of a currency in the Memsaab eatery, operating as instruments of trust and privilege. Interestingly, our man on the inside tells us: “Customers only get spoons at the Sunday night buffet.” A time when égalité is the byword and a diner can live out his fantasises of being a fully-armed Memsaab waiter.
But Tarrant was not eating there on a Sunday. And the spoon becomes the heel on which the case pivots.
And over in the Sun’s “CURRYGATE”, Trussler is showing the world his wound. “He could have taken my eye out,” says Trussler. And we are back to spoons, surely the cutlery of choice when it comes to eye removal.
Says John: “I wasn’t drunk. I’d had four pints of cider, an alcopop and me and Nina shared a bottle of wine with the meal.”
But what of the spoon?
Says John: “He [Tarrrant] put his plate down, picked up a knife and threw it at me. He was about 20ft away.”
For his part Tarrant remains confident he will be cleared. In which eventuality he will surely vow to leave spoon and spooncraft to the experts at Memsaab, and Clive Dunn…
Posted: 16th, May 2007 | In: Tabloids Comments (6) | TrackBack | Permalink
