God Helps Paris Hilton’s Passage (Larry King Video)
PARIS Hilton fans one and all, we dab her scent behind our knees (top notes of adolescent tissue), play her surgically un-enhanced CD and imagine what life would be like if Pairs were among us.
But we need not fantasise. Paris is here. Paris is in the Mirror, telling us about her ordeal in jail and how she recommends lags adopt the foetal position.
“The doctors explained to Sheriff Baca they thought I was having severe anxiety attacks, panic attacks and claustrophobia,” says Paris.
Paris, as the Mail reports, was “hysterical” about being in jail.
God Moves (In Killer Heels)
In the most anticipated prison release since the day Nelson Mandela walked out of Pollsmoor Prison in South Africa, Paris, who has had time to contemplate life and its meaning, utters her first words to a watching world: “Hi.”
She then says: “Thank God I’m free.”
God acts in mysterious ways. God made Paris free. And if we follow the debate, God put her in jail, gave her a voice flatter than the aforesaid Sheriff’s feet, claustrophobia, an anxiety attack and hair not quite blonde enough. God gives until it hurts.
And God has given Paris fame. And in the Star, Paris tells us that she is a “good compassionate person”. For £150,000, Paris tells US magazine People, “I’m so sincere – they’ll see.”
Free As A Butterfly
And she has her aides. “All the inmates were incredibly supportive. There were girls next to me. We could talk though vents and they were very sweet.”
Paris spent her days nursing a sick sparrow to health. “Hey, you bastards, I’m still here!” she shouts at her captors. She is a fugitive from the chain gang of celebrityville.
It is one minute past midnight an Paris is on an express train to redemption.
Paris is free to speak her mind (such as it is). And while Paris’s fans in the British tabloid press wonder what she’ll do next, in America Paris is appearing on TV’s Larry King Live.
Paris tells Larry she read the Bible every day in prison. What’s her favourite passage? “Hmmmm,” says Paris. She scours her mind. And decides: “I don’t have a favourite.”
“I’ve definitely matured and grown a lot from the experience,” says Paris. So what has she learned? Well, when she’s anxious or shy, “my voice gets really high”. Paris promises the world that she will correct this.
Hopefully in time for her next album…
Posted: 28th, June 2007 | In: Tabloids Comments (4) | TrackBack | Permalink
