After The Floods The Sharks
GET out of the water! With Britain experiencing weather, the Sun leads with the headline: “GREAT WHITE SHARK OFF UK.” (Pic: Beau Bo D’Or)
Holidaymakers are on “JAWS ALERT” as a “suspected” Great White shark is spotted 200 yards off St Ives, Cornwall.
Had the skin-burning sun not been blocked out – and thank heaven it has – the shark would be eyeing lobster red legs and mistaking Britain’s obese bathers for seals and hippos.
“Lifeguards have been ordered to clear beaches if a Great White is near,” says expert Richard Piece, who can doubtless confirm that the Sun’s picture is indeed of a Great white shark, its filthy maw open and armed.
Happily, the weather is such that Britons have relocated to Spain, Portugal and anywhere with sun.
But the Sun strikes it lucky and though it fails to spot the beast it does track down a British tourist taking in the summertime cloud formations. “This has got to be every swimmer’s worst nightmare,” says the tourist.
Another tourist, “stunned dad” Nick Fletcher, videoed the creature. His tape has been viewed by experts. “It’s definitely predatory and definitely big,” says Oliver Crimmen, “fish curator” of the Natural History Museum. “I can’t rule out it being a Great White.”
Such is the way with this museum, Crimmen may only know the fish’s species should it be caught, gutted and pickled behind a display case.
The Sun is rightly concerned. And wants to know if any readers have seen a Great White shark of the British coast – or making its way down the main shopping drag in Tewkesbury…
Posted: 28th, July 2007 | In: Tabloids Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink
