Daily Mail Week: Plague, Dead Babies And Culling The Old
EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.
And if it can’t think any horror stories up, it looks at the latest scientific research.
Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…
MONDAY
“A disaster in the wind for farmers” – The bluetongue virus is upon us. A cow in a children’s farm in Suffolk has it. Either that or it’s been swallowing Gordon Brown’s rhetoric…
“CAN WE HANDLE A NEW PLAGUE?” asks Geoffrey Lean. Let’ kill our first born, before it’s too late!
“New e-coli strain ‘more dangerous than MRSA’” – the EBSL E.coli bug is here. “It looks like an emerging giant,” says Dr Achyut Guleri, a consultant microbiologist
“I H8 TEXT SPEAK. As the Oxford English Dictionary ditches the hyphen, how texting is wrecking our language” – John Humphreys says the OED has “fallen victim to fashion”. Pigeon-hole, he notes, is now to be spelt pigeonhole. The hyphen key is being destroyed! It’s grammatical cleansing. It’s-the-end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it-!
“1,000 babies a year ‘dying needlessly’” – Midwives are overstretched. Says Professor Jason Gardosi, director of the Perinatal Institute, Birmingham
“A&E closure could cost lives” – So says report by the Academy of Medical Royal Colleges
TUESDAY
“Flu jabs ‘don’t prevent death deaths in the elderly’” – You mean the OAP flu culling programme is working?
“THE SILENT EPIDEMIC – Loss of hearing isn’t the only problem bringing misery to millions. Yet from dizziness to constant buzzing, these soul-destroying conditions are often ignored”
“Under 30s at highest risk of DVT on flights” – So too passengers who are “short, tall or overweight”
“As more and more Britons become ‘dental tourists’ seeking cheap treatment abroad, one woman’s cautionary tale – My quest for a perfect smile ruined my life”
“Epileptic fits threw Sean into despair. But the cure threatened to leave him paralysed”
WEDNESDAY
“Heart patients at twice the risk of bowel cancer” – Never mind. Could be worse
THURSDAY
“Flesh-eating strain of MRSA spreads to schools and gyms” – To the ferry port!
“Three drinks a day ‘raise breast cancer risk 30pc’” – so says Dr Arthur Klatsky, of Kaiser Permaente, California
“A lottery for stroke scanning” – It’s a rollover
“Paracetemol with coffee ‘could trigger fatal liver disease’” – Says Dr Sidney Nelson, of the University of Washington, Seattle
“Public ‘in peril’ from packed prisons” – Chief inspector of prisons say the crims are bursting out
“A Maternity unit shut by cockroach infestation”
“Forget the cancer, I only cried when I lost my hair” – Jenni Murray writes
FRIDAY
“Doctors’ code of silence to cover under-age sex” – Under-age sex? Sex with under-age doctors? General Medical Council says doctors should recognise a child’s right to privacy if that child might harm themselves or run away
“We’re tired all the time, says 60pc of working mother” – 40pc of working mother not tired all the time. Hurrah!
“Why up to 99pc of seeds won’t make your garden grow” – Survey says up to 99per cent of package seeds are dead
“Pesticides on 80pc of free school fruit” – Stick to the Mars bars and food with labels on, mum
“Bird flu fear for unborn babies” – H5N1 strain of avian flu can be passed on to babies in the womb
“CAN YOU INHERIT ANOREXIA? Karen’s mother was ravaged by anorexia as a teenager. Now, she’s fighting it, too. As a new study suggests the illness can be passed on genetically, they tell their disturbing stories.”
Posted: 29th, September 2007 | In: Tabloids Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink
