Red Alert: An Iranian Plot To Kill Chris De Burgh
IF the Iranians really are serious about pushing Israel into the sea, they should erect a huge Tannoy, aim it at Tel Aviv and play Chris de Burgh songs at full throat 24 hours a day.
Admittedly, the slight risk is that Israelis will react violently and seek to destroy the instrument of their potential doom, just as they may block up their ears and make a swim for Cyprus.
The Israelis may go further and seek to assassinate Chris de Burgh, in which case we urge anyone who has ever uttered the phrase “Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be Chris de Burgh” to make themselves known to President Ahmadinejad post haste.
Interesting then to see Mr de Burgh scheduled to become the first westerner to play Iran in 30 years. Early next year, Chris and Iranian support act Arian will play shows in Tehran.
In the land that has recently banned rock music, as the Independent reports, Chris de Burgh is permitted to play.
Chris – yes, Chris – and Arian have collaborated on a tune called A Melody for Peace. This is the same Chris de Burgh who once fronted Jeffrey Archer’s The Simple Truth campaign (filed under ‘beyond parody’) and raised money for Kurdish refugees through a concert.
The Indy is mindful of the power of music and how it can even change a nation. In 1985, Wham! played China and a million locals blow dried their hair and reached for the bleach. Then David Hasselhoff reunited Germany by singing on the Berlin Wall. The Israelites had Joshua’s trumpets to bring down the walls; the Germans had a man who wears swimming trunks to work.
It all leaves us wondering if Chris de Burgh can bring about a cultural revolution in Iran and what the resulting country will look like.
In our vision, post de Burgh Iran will be full of people rhyming “dance” with “romance” and going about saying how lovely they look.
Of course it might all be ruse, a plot. British historian Michael Mann researched Jospeh Stalin and noted: “Stalin saw John Wayne as a gigantic propaganda symbol against the Soviets. He was much more subtle than the atomic bomb but Stalin saw him as no less deadly.” Stalin wantd Wayne dead.
Might the Iranians view Chris de Burgh in a similar light, as the epitome of Western decadence? Do they wish to kill him? In which case we urge restraint, and remind them that though popular de Burgh is not as big as Noel Edmonds, Anthea Turner or Lulu…
Posted: 17th, December 2007 | In: Broadsheets Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink
