Five Football New Year Resolutions
FIVE football new year resolutions that should have been made but either weren’t made, or have been broken far too soon
1. Fans who visit other clubs’ message boards and announce themselves ‘West Brom fan in peace’, as if they are involved in a particularly bloody and long-running tribal war, rather than a spot of harmless time-wasting. Then follow with comments such as ‘You lot are doing well and I think you might get a win at our place, what do you lot think? And what about Nigel Donnington? We had him on loan from Bury a few seasons ago and he looked quite useful.’
2. Players who ‘celebrate’ goals by pouting crossly and wagging their finger. This was irritating enough when it was used to remonstrate with officials who had just adjudged them offside. Now it seems to be used as a self-righteous gesture to the gods and the world at large, as though by scoring, the player has proved himself right, and disproved those inferior beings who had the temerity to doubt him.
3. Players and managers – including non-league exponents – who use the latest football jargon as naturally as if they had been speaking it since they were were knee-high to a bung. Particularly annoying examples are ‘to be fair’ and ‘in fairness’, which are used with complete disregard to their non-football meaning. What they are trying to indicate is that they are about to be critical of somebody. The phrase they require is ‘to be honest’.
4. John Motson’s new hard-edge style, and his liberal use of the phrase ‘innit’ – or ‘intit’ as Motty has it. Not that we want the old-style Motson back, but at least you knew where you were when he discursively speculated about tea-trays and family meals during important live matches. What next – a rap record?
5. Players (and managers) who talk about themselves in the third person. Nothing new about this, but it’s still happening, and the world seems to have stopped caring.
Posted: 9th, January 2008 | In: Back pages Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink
