Jeremy Beadle Is Not Dead
JEREMY Beadle is dead?
The Sun says so on its front page. It must be true? Mustn’t it? “KING OF PRANKS DIES,” announces the headline. “Beadle’s not about.”
The Anorak presses the picture of Beadle, expexting to hear the “Wha-ha-ha-hey!!!” of a laughing bag tucked beneath, or be sprayed with a jet to water.
To celebrate the passing of a man celebrated over two more pages – “Nation mourns TV joker”; “telly”s ‘uiltimate joker'” – the Sun fail to offer each of its readers a free stink bomb, plasticated dog turd or pepper sweet. This is hard to forgive.
But might it be that Beadle is not yet dead, but ready to pop out of a box on Noel Edmonds’ Deal Or No Deal and donate a £1 to charity for each word written about him in obituary?
Such an impression is only aided by the sound of Edmonds saying: “I’m so shocked – I didn’t realise he was so ill.”
Cue surely for a knock at the door and a bearded man dressed in a polcieman’s hemlet to step forward and ask Edmonds to accompany him down to the station. “Why?” asks Edmonds. “Because I’m lost,” says the policeman.
Of course, as a prankster, the comeback from the dead would be nothing so gentle. Pranks rely on a victim. It was Mel Brooks who said: “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.”
But he is dead. Really he is. There’s his tombstone. We bend down to read the small inscription thereone.
“KICK ME,” its says. And the sound of heavy boots on gravel can be heard approaching from the rear…
Posted: 31st, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
